My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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