We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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