After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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