You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize