Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
