i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
