i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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