My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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