I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
