turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
