A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
