You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
