Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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