I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I need a beard to bite.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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