You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
