Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize