Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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