You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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