Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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