The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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