On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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