respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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