I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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