Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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