Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
