You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
