beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
