i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
