there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
