Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize