I want to make a zoo with you.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
barbara walters just said penis...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
