I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
