I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
