Say something about gay babies.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
