So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
