Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
