Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
