I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
