Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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