the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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