Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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