Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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