I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think my moral compass just broke
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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