Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
