Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
