You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
