Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
sarcasm needs its own font
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
