drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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