with your own penis?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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