Screwed.edu
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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