I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
