that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
