your thong is hanging out like whoa
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
