Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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