The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
