trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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