make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
