i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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