i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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