i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
