Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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