i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize