so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The best revenge is premature balding
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
