He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize