did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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