oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
