the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
